Just the other day, I came back from school and realized that I had absolutely no idea what was happening around me nor did I have a clue as to what I was doing with my life.
Of course, these feelings are normally associated with the fact that I’m an “adolescent” and that being a teenager is “hard”. Well, truth be told, I’d love to hide behind those concepts and push away the realization that I feel uninspired to do anything, anything I love or hate, for that matter.
I realize that I don’t quite fit into a stereotype, nor am I good enough to create my own personal type. I’m just…in between, caught between the rights and wrongs.
While growing up, somehow it was instilled in me to never purposely get in trouble. And I never have, honestly. I’m careful with what I do and I feel pretty successful. However, like any other teenager, I go through the normal dilemma of whether I want to listen to my parents or be a rebel and of course, live with the motto of ‘#yolo’.
Certain days I wake up feeling good about myself while on some others, I just want to stay in bed all day and hibernate, away from the clutches of society. No, don’t ask me what’s wrong. Nothing’s ever wrong. (It’s just this age, let’s say.)
I feel pretty socially awkward, as well. The attempt to associate with other (sadly, very like-minded) people of our age seems like a really hard job now. In all honesty, I have no idea what to say to people anymore. And as much as people hate me for forgetting to reply to their texts or missed calls, I really don’t feel up for it anymore. In fact, at the very moment, I’m in a bus, sitting next to a friend. And well, clearly, we’re not making any conversation ’cause I was impolite enough to say that I’m updating my blog.
While I’m not out partaaying all night, I’m not at home solving fancy IIT-JEE problems either. And then I worry, about my future and of course, the presence of those dreaded Boards, looming ahead us all.
While every adult or senior or anybody who thinks they know a lot advises us to sit tight and put in long hours of study, I feel distracted by well, the numerous distractions everybody my age is faced with. We all have the same issues, the same drama and almost the same capacity to withstand it all. And don’t even get me started with all the tainted insecurities and breakdowns (“PMS-ing”).
I suppose this post has no point, I just ranted about the normal issues I suppose everyone our age is facing. But it was also for me to prove to myself that I can complete something. (Referring to the fact that this blog has been barren for months now.)
Sigh. Someone please tell me that this is not JUST me.